Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Dear President Obama: Can You Finally Admit it Now? Clock Boy Punk’d You…


Dear President Obama,
Can we all be real for a ticking time-bomb second and just admit that Ahmed “The Clockster” Mohammed was a giant hoax? The little terrorist-in-making pulled the wool over your eyes, and everyone knows it. I watched as the #IStandWithAhmed hashtag was lobbed from Palo Alto where Zuckerberg tried to shield the tiny terrorist from nonexistent online-flack, allllll the way up to you, Mr. President, who invited little Ahmed to the White House for some cheese and home made bomb-making. Now it turns out – and this is unilaterally agreed upon – that the kid is just a really big douche. His greedy parents and lawyers too.
Now Mohamed and his parents have moved back to Texas — after a fun jaunt to Qatar, where Ahmed attended a school with ties to Hamas — and are now filing YET ANOTHER federal lawsuit(after they filed this $15 million dollar lawsuit for “damages”), President Obama, can you admit this kid con’d you?
Oh, I know you won’t. I know if you had a son, he’d probably build assemble put clocks in suitcases just like Ahmed. It’s just there’s so much evidence Ahmed was never what he pretended to be, I wanted to present this opportunity to make it right.
Let’s recall the events.
Kid pulls apart a built clock and puts it in a suitcase. For what purpose? He says to show his science teacher. We’re calling bovine feces. His teacher sees the clock and thinks that maybe it looks like a bomb. At the very least, it doesn’t look like a clock. Also, why take a clock apart and put it in a suitcase? That question cannot be asked enough. I know, I know, you demand it never be asked at all, but I digress.
Kid gets detained. Twitter blows up. “ISLAMAPHOBIA” cry people who have no idea what the heck actually happened, tweeting pictures of actual clocks, without knowing Ahmed brought a suitcase-bomb look alike to class. Then Mr. President, you insert yourself like a PC Plague, riding the wave of PC culture to earn pot-brownie points with your sycophantic supporters. The world cheers. The Twitter twits teeter over the edge of glee.
Then the details, they radiate out of the car bomb-sized hoax like a… well like a car-bomb, and people start to question. Bill Maher says Ahmed never built a clock, gets annoyed with idiot Jorge Ramos and says, hey, this kid, he brought a thing to school that looks like a bomb. You ignore.
A dutiful engineer points out on Facebook that Ahmed took apart a functioning alarm clock and put it into a case. You ignore.

Another YouTuber decides to see just how “genius” little Ahmed is…and replicates the “clock” in 18 seconds. Still, you ignore.
Oh, and let’s not forget one key little detail. Ahmed Mohamed’s father has political aspirations to bepresident of Sudan, and in his 2015 run, “the would-be Sudanese president pledged that within 100 days of being elected he would negotiate the lifting of sanctions the U.S. imposed in the late 1990s because of alleged sponsorship of terrorism.” Holy crap, dude. I mean, I’m a comedian/blogger with Google. Shouldn’t you, the President of the United States, know these sorts of things?
But that’s not the biggest bomb (last pun, I swear). Ahmed has open ties to the Council for American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) and appeared in a promotional video with Nihad Awad, who has ties to Hamas. Both Awad and CAIR, like Ahmed “The Clockster” Mohamed have one thing in common: they’re more than what they seem. CAIR isn’t all benign wires and cogs that tell time. Unless the time being measured is how long until Israel gets wiped off the map. Because that’s an hourglass they’ll never stop watching. And rattling to make it go faster.
All of this brings us to today. Back in the news today, for what likely won’t be his final appearance, is little Ahmed. This time with his attorneys. And they’re not toting suitcase clocks that look like bombs but a federal civil rights lawsuit.

So, Mr. President again I ask you… what does it take to admit that maybe, just maybe you were wrong? Here’s the thing, nobody’s right all the time. We don’t expect you to be. But it sure would help build some trust with the American public when you admit to screwing up.
Especially when screwing up involves inviting little suitcase-clock-wielding, tiny-terrorist fraud to the White House. That one’s kind of a doozie.

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